Love

Love. Haha. I'm such a hopeless romantic. I dream of falling in love. Meeting the man of my dreams, going on adventures and loving each other. One day getting married for eternity. Raising a family, loving my children and husband more than anything else on this earth. It's stupid of me to dream about it. I'm so young, only 18. I have so much time, I shouldn't be thinking about love and marriage and whatnot. But...I get so lonely. I have trouble being on my own in general, I can't be left alone in a house without going crazy. So...night is so hard. I feel so alone, so so so so alone every night. It drives me crazy. And I try to convince myself I'm not alone, I really do but it's impossible.
Every day I wake up, I'm happy, I go throughout my day seeing people, spending my day with my best friend forever. I spend every minute with someone else during the day, showing myself that I'm not alone because I have all those people. My friends, coworkers, all those people who love me so much and who would do anything for me. I know Puppy would do anything to make sure I'm okay and that I'm happy. He truly is the greatest friend I've ever had. No one has truly cared for me like George has. No one. I see all the love I receive during the day but it proves nothing to me. I'm still alone. How can I say this? Because the day ends. The sun goes down and those people go home and so do I. And I end up where I am, sitting all alone by myself in an empty room. I can try to prove that I'm not alone all I want during the day but every day ends the same. Sitting all alone. All alone. I am alone. So many people love and care about me and yet I am still alone.
I know it doesn't make sense, but since when do emotions ever care about sense or logic? I don't know. I'm just tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of spending every night by myself, every night alone, every night miserable. I'm so tired of everything. I have a wonderful life, what is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I have a wonderful best friend, I have two jobs that I love doing, I love the people I work with, I love life in general, I love people, I'm the biggest social butterfly, I'm smart and also artsy, I'm following and reaching for my dreams, I'm working hard, I'm loving all those around me, I try to help people, I try to make everyone around me happy. I want everyone to see that they can be happy and how wonderful they really are. No one deserved to feel how I do at night, no one deserves to feel so alone and so miserable. If I'm doing everything right, there's nothing about my life I would change other than my living situation...then why am I not happy?

Anyways, on a completely different topic and a happier note, it's day 23 of Operation: G.H.L.F.L.O.L. It's going really well, I'm still working on my new camera so no pictures yet, sorry. But I have lovely pictures from when I curled my hair that I need to post when I can.

OH! I now have two songs that I want to dance to at my wedding: All About Us -He is We & Never Stop (Wedding Version) -Safetysuit